F U N N Y J O K E S

One Sardar was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-india plane. He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the Sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady. After some time the old lady came and requested the Sardarji to leave the side seat. But the Sardaji told, “I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave”. The old lady then complained to the air hostess .The air hostess requested the Sardarji to leave that seat but Sardarji did not leave. Then the air hostess went and told the asst. captain. He also came and requested, but in vain. Finally the Captain came. He whispered something in the ears of the Sardarji and the Sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat. Astonished, the airhostess and the asst. captain asked the captain afterwards what he told to the Sardarji? Captain told, “nothing… Ijust told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh and al

Punjabi joke Ek banda dusre ko kehta he ke phone karne se pehle 2 lagao. Dusra us ko 2 thapparr marta he or phone karta he. Wo phir kehta he ke yeh thappar kyun? Wo kehta he ke aap ne khud yehi hi kaha tha ke phone karne se pehle do lagao. HAHAHAHA There was a short note written on poster of adult movie. "Under 18 are not allowed." Santa saw this msg, what he did next time he came with 17 people along with him. Harry and Lloyd were speeding down the road. A police car pulled them over.'You were going eighty!' ,the officer yelled.'Why on earth were you driving so fast?''We have a good reason,' Lloyd explained to the cop. 'Our brakes are no good-so we wanted to get there before we had an accident!' Banda Bhagta Howa Aata Hay Aur Sardar Se Kehta Hai 1 banda bhagta howa aata hay aur Sardar se kehta haibhai jaldi jao tumharey ghar main talaab ka pani ghus gaya hay.Sardar: Oye kion jhoot bolta hay, ghar ki chabi to meray paas hay Santa and banta we

Democrat's Concession The election is over the results are well knownThe voice of the people has clearly been shownLets all pull together and show by our deedsThat we will give Bush all the help that he needsForget all our differences and let bitterness passIll kiss your elephantAnd you kiss my ass... Taliban Snippet How come the Taliban are not circumcised? It gives them a place to put their bubblegum during a sandstorm. Racists And Lightbulbs How many racists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None -- they don't want to be enlightened! Bush And Gore, Together Again Bush and Gore went fishing. Gore went on one side of the lake and Bush on the other. Later that day, Bush came back with 129 fish and Gore came back with none. Gore screamed for a revote. The next day bush came back with 173 fish and Gore once again screamed for a revote. So on the third day, Gore sent a secret service to spy on Bush. Bush came back with 293 fish this time and gore got none. Gore goes to the sec

Girlfriend writes: 'Dear Harry, you are gone six months and I am sixmonths gone. Shall I carry Harry or commithara-kiri?'This Japanese tale proves the adage: 'The road tohell is paved with faulty contraception.' Girlfriend writes: 'Dear Harry, you are gone six months and I am sixmonths gone. Shall I carry Harry or commithara-kiri?'This Japanese tale proves the adage: 'The road tohell is paved with faulty contraception.' Girlfriend writes: 'Dear Harry, you are gone six months and I am sixmonths gone. Shall I carry Harry or commithara-kiri?'This Japanese tale proves the adage: 'The road tohell is paved with faulty contraception.' Girlfriend writes: 'Dear Harry, you are gone six months and I am sixmonths gone. Shall I carry Harry or commithara-kiri?'This Japanese tale proves the adage: 'The road tohell is paved with faulty contraception.' Girlfriend writes: 'Dear Harry, you are gone six months and I am sixmonths gone. Sha

MONKE FEAST.... MAN CAN RUN BETTER THAN ... FRIDAY VS MONDAY

Sexual Jokes: A toast John O'Riley was a member of an Irish Toast Masters Club and one evening at the local Irish Toast Masters meeting, a contest was held to see who could deliver the best toast. Well, John O'Riley won the contest for the best toast of the evening, "Here's To The Best Years o' Me Life, Spent Between The Legs o' Me Wife." When John O'Riley arrived home his beautiful wife asked him how the Toast Masters meeting went and he said, "I won the contest for the best toast of the evening." His wife then asked him what his toast was, and he said, "Here's To The Best Years o' me Life, Spent in Church wi' me Wife." His wife then said, "Why John, that's so nice of you to include me in your Toast." The next morning, Mrs. O'Riley was downtown shopping and ran into the local police man On the beat who was also at the Toast Masters meeting with John O'Riley. He said, "Hello Mrs. O'Ri

Men Jokes: 20 types of men you will find in a bathroomJokes: 1.) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts. 2.) Sociable -- Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not. 3.) Cross-eyed -- Looks into the next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed. 4.) Timid -- Cannot piss if someone is watching, flushes urinal, comes back later. 5.) Indifferent -- All urinals being used, pisses in sink. 6.) Clever -- No hands, fixes tie, looks around, usually pisses on floor. 7.) Worried -- Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection. 8.) Frivolous -- Plays stream up, down and across the urinal, tries to hit flies and bugs. 9.) Absent-Minded -- Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants. 10.) Childish -- Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble. 11.) Sneaky -- Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in other stall will be blamed. 12.) Patient -- Stands very close for a long time, reads with free hand

Lawyer Jokes: Three Questions A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the rates. "Fifty dollars for three questions," replied the lawyer. "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man. "Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?" Lawyer Jokes: Old Lawyer A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the laywer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?" St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!&q

Funny Quotes: Al Capone You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone. --Al Capone Funny Quotes: Billy Crystal Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. --Billy Crystal Funny Quotes: George Burns Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are driving taxi cabs and cutting hair. --George Burns Funny Quotes: George W Bush A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls. --George W Bush Funny Quotes: Jack Nicholson My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. --Jack Nicholson Funny Quotes: George W Bush If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura. --George W Bush Funny Quotes: Winston Churchill When I am abroad I always make it a rule never to criticise or attack the Government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home. --Winston Churchill Funny Quotes: Ronald Regan I have orders to be awakened at

Funny Insults: Girl, you so flat! Girl, you're so flat that when the painter came to do the house he said, "This wall, too?" Funny Insults: Boomerang You're so fat, you need a boomerang to put your belt on! Funny Insults: Roses Roses are red violets are black, why is your chest as flat as your back? Tell-A-Friend Funny Insults: Your so fat Your so fat, the last time you saw 90210 was on the bathroom scale! Tell-A-Friend Funny Insults: Its your birthday Your so fat, everytime you turn around, its your birthday! Funny Insults: your mom Your mom, is so fat and old when god said let there be light he was telling her to get her fat ass out of the way! Funny Insults: Your so ugly Your so ugly, a garbage man picked you up and threw you into the truck. Funny Insults: scale Your so fat that when you stepped on the scale it said "To be continued..."

16 Years Later One day there was a pregnant women who was about to go into labor with 3 children.Her husband didn't want to be any part of this so he decided to leave her and took the car. So she had to walk to the hospital all by herself. All of a sudden she came to a dark alley and of course she went through it and all of a sudden a man pops out and shoots her in the stomach. When she got to the hospital she was ok and the babies were fine as well.16 years later16 years later the first child who was a girl came to the mother and said "mom mom guess what?" "What?"I pissed out a bullet. So the mother told her what happened 16 years ago. Then the second born child who was also a girl came to her mother and said "mom mom guess what I pissed out a bullet."So the mom told her what happend 16 years ago. Then the 3rd born child came in who was a boy said "mom mom guess what?" The mom said "let me guess you pissed out a bullet." "No i

You have to be a School teacher if ..... ...................... You have no time for a life from the end of August until Mid-July. You want to slap the next person who says, 'Must be nice to work from 8.30am to 3.15pm and have your summers and weekends free.' When you're out in public you feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behaviour. You refer to adults as, 'boys and girls.' You encourage your spouse by telling them they are a 'good helper.' Meeting a child's parents instantly answers the question, 'Why is this child like he is?' you believe 'extremely annoying' should have its own box on the report. You know hundreds of 'good' reasons for being late.You don't want children of your own because there isn't a name you can hear that wouldn't raise your blood pressure. Teacher Joke The teacher asked her class of 8 year olds to use a sentence containing the word fascinate Molly put up her hand and s

Moira was struggling to get the tomato ketchup out of the bottle. As she was trying the phone rang and her four years old daughter, Mia, answered it saying, 'Sorry, mummy can't come to the phone at the moment because she's hitting the bottle.' Roger, the local police/school liaison officer was in Green Barn Primary School, Sherborne, Dorset, UK, on an official visit when Mary, age six years, approached him. 'Are you a policeman?' Mary asked. 'Yes,' answered Roger smiling. 'My mum said if I was ever in trouble then I ought to ask a policeman for help. Is that true?' 'Of course,' uttered Roger. 'Then will you please tie my shoelace?' said Mary. Jenny was watching her daddy getting dressed in his dinner jacket [tuxedo] before the party. 'You shouldn't wear that, daddy,' she murmured. 'Why, darling?' inquired her father of Jenny. 'Well you know it always gives you a headache in the morning, said Jenny.' C