Men Jokes
Men Jokes: 20 types of men you will find in a bathroomJokes:
1.) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.
2.) Sociable -- Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not.
3.) Cross-eyed -- Looks into the next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.
4.) Timid -- Cannot piss if someone is watching, flushes urinal, comes back later.
5.) Indifferent -- All urinals being used, pisses in sink.
6.) Clever -- No hands, fixes tie, looks around, usually pisses on floor.
7.) Worried -- Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.
8.) Frivolous -- Plays stream up, down and across the urinal, tries to hit flies and bugs.
9.) Absent-Minded -- Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.
10.) Childish -- Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.
11.) Sneaky -- Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in other stall will be blamed.
12.) Patient -- Stands very close for a long time, reads with free hand.
13.) Desperate -- Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.
14.) Tough -- Bangs dick on side of urinal to dry.
15.) Efficient -- Waits until he has to crap and does both.
16.) Fat -- Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pisses in shower.
17.) Little -- Stands on box, falls in, drowns.
18.) Drunk -- Holds left thumb in right hand, pisses in pants.
19.) Disgruntled -- Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.
20.) Conceited -- Holds two-inch dick like baseball bat.
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Men Jokes: 10 things men wont say
1. Let's watch Lifetime!
2. Sex is overrated.
3. I don't want to go too far on the first date.
4. Yes, I did notice your sister's breasts are bigger than yours.
5. There is nothing I like better than crawling into bed with a good book.
6. I'm glad I don't have a large penis.
7. My hips are too big.
8. Aw, can't we watch Oprah?
9. Does this suit make me look fat?
10. I'll never get tired listening to Celine Dion.
Men Jokes: Stupid husband
An angry husband returned home one night to find his wife in bed with a naked man. 'What are you doing' he shouted. To which his wife said to her lover 'I told you he was stupid'
Men Jokes: Top Ten Reasons Eve Was Created
10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.
9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.
8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.
7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.
6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.
5. God knew if the world were to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.
4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.
3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, it is not good for man to be alone!
1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that!"
Men Jokes: men are men
A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make upand buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money, and then he married the one with the biggest tits. Men are men!
Men Jokes: Check up
Men Jokes: Check up
This lady goes to the doctor for a check up. When she gets home her husband asks, "So how did the appointment go?" She replies, "He said, I have the body of a twenty year old. Her husband says, "Oh yeah. and what did he have to say about your forty year old ass?" She says, "Your name didn't come up."
1.) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.
2.) Sociable -- Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not.
3.) Cross-eyed -- Looks into the next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.
4.) Timid -- Cannot piss if someone is watching, flushes urinal, comes back later.
5.) Indifferent -- All urinals being used, pisses in sink.
6.) Clever -- No hands, fixes tie, looks around, usually pisses on floor.
7.) Worried -- Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.
8.) Frivolous -- Plays stream up, down and across the urinal, tries to hit flies and bugs.
9.) Absent-Minded -- Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.
10.) Childish -- Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.
11.) Sneaky -- Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in other stall will be blamed.
12.) Patient -- Stands very close for a long time, reads with free hand.
13.) Desperate -- Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.
14.) Tough -- Bangs dick on side of urinal to dry.
15.) Efficient -- Waits until he has to crap and does both.
16.) Fat -- Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pisses in shower.
17.) Little -- Stands on box, falls in, drowns.
18.) Drunk -- Holds left thumb in right hand, pisses in pants.
19.) Disgruntled -- Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.
20.) Conceited -- Holds two-inch dick like baseball bat.
Tell-A-Friend
Men Jokes: 10 things men wont say
1. Let's watch Lifetime!
2. Sex is overrated.
3. I don't want to go too far on the first date.
4. Yes, I did notice your sister's breasts are bigger than yours.
5. There is nothing I like better than crawling into bed with a good book.
6. I'm glad I don't have a large penis.
7. My hips are too big.
8. Aw, can't we watch Oprah?
9. Does this suit make me look fat?
10. I'll never get tired listening to Celine Dion.
Men Jokes: Stupid husband
An angry husband returned home one night to find his wife in bed with a naked man. 'What are you doing' he shouted. To which his wife said to her lover 'I told you he was stupid'
Men Jokes: Top Ten Reasons Eve Was Created
10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.
9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.
8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.
7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.
6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.
5. God knew if the world were to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.
4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.
3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, it is not good for man to be alone!
1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that!"
Men Jokes: men are men
A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make upand buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money, and then he married the one with the biggest tits. Men are men!
Men Jokes: Check up
Men Jokes: Check up
This lady goes to the doctor for a check up. When she gets home her husband asks, "So how did the appointment go?" She replies, "He said, I have the body of a twenty year old. Her husband says, "Oh yeah. and what did he have to say about your forty year old ass?" She says, "Your name didn't come up."
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