F U N N Y J O K E S

Here are ten useful phrases for responding to Christmas presented you would rather not have received: 1. Thanks a lot! 2. My word! What a gift. 3. Well, well, well … 4. If I hadn’t put on so much weight recently it would have fitted me perfectly. 5. Gosh, I hope I never lose this. We’re always losing things around here. 6. It’s great; but I’m worried about the jealousy it may create. 7. Just my luck to get this, on the Christmas I promised to give all my gifts to charity. 8. Unfortunately, I am about to enter MI5’s Witness Protection programme. 9. Frankly, I don’t deserve this. 10. Really, you shouldn’t have.

Christmas may be many thingsor it may be a few. For you, the joyis each new toy;for me; Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful. O>O>O>O Jingle bells Jingle bells what fun it is to wish our friends a very merry christmas. O>O>O>O Bells are ringing the wishes of christmas day the flying snowflakes send my most sincere blessings to you merry christmas. O>O>O>O Faith makes all things possible,Hope makes all things work, Love makes all things beautiful,May you have all the three for this Christmas. MERRY CHRISTMAS! O>O>O>O Somehow, not only for Christmas, But all the long year through, The joy that you give to others, Is the joy that comes back to you. And the more you spend in blessing, The poor and lonely and sad, The more of your heart’s possessing, Returns to you glad. O>O>O>O Joy resounds in the hearts of those who believe in the miracle...

New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you canbegin paving hell with them as usual. The new year begins in a snow-storm of white vows. <*-----------------------*> For last year's words belong to last year's language And next year's words await another voice.And to make an end is to make a beginning. <*-----------------------*> We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day. <*-----------------------*> Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever. <*-----------------------*> People are so worried...

Bill Gates decides to Sell OFF Microsoft ..... after receiving letter from India's Mr Banta Singh Letter reproduced below Quote To : Bill Gates, Microsoft From : Banta Singh of Punjab Subject: Problems with my new computer Dear Mr. Bill Gates, We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice. 1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this. 2. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home. 3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot to trace the key with this 'find 'button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem. 4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that? 5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard...

The Heart Of The Matter A man who was having heart trouble went to the doctor to see what his options were. Naturally, the doctor recommended a heart transplant.The man reluctantly agreed, and asked if there were any hearts immediately available, considering that money was no object. "I do have three hearts," said the doctor. "The first is from an 18-year old kid, non-smoker, athletic, swimmer, with a great diet. He hit his head on the swimming pool and died. It's $100,000. The second is from a marathon runner, 25 years old, great condition, very strong. He got hit by a bus. It's $150,000. The third is from a heavy drinker, cigar smoker, steak lover. It's $500,000." "Hey, why is that heart so expensive? He lived a terrible life!" "Yes, but it's from a laywer. It's never been used." Medical Miracles A Japanese man was boasting about how his country had such advanced medical technology. He said, "We take the lungs...